Loving each stage, despite the challenges

Elliott has always been a happy child. And somehow between a mysterious illness that landed him in the ER three weeks ago and this baby that we brought home four weeks ago, our sweet and happy little man has turned into a whining, crying, hitting, temper-tantrum throwing nightmare. We take full responsibility for some of this change in behavior -- during his illness, Matt and I were CRAZY. A week old baby and a list of doctor's orders for Elliott was beyond stressful...we handled Elliott's refusal to drink liquids with the calm demeanor of a stampeding rhino. For the first time, our spoiled little boy saw us truly shaken -- his not listening to us was not just a discipline issue, it was a health issue, and we were scared for him.

So, in addition to his relationship with us changing, we also added Isaac. Rough week for him.

And while he isn't overly jealous of this new addition to our family, it would be silly of us to not recognize that we have rocked his world -- he is not our #1 priority anymore. Attentions are divided, patience is in short-supply. He wants to climb on the baby, kiss the baby, hold the baby -- and, of course, he is as tender and gentle as any two year-old can be. So, "You're crushing him. Can you step away from your brother? We'd like him to live for a long time," said in the tone a harried cop might use to a bank robber, has been our MO recently.

Matt and I get this change and we understand it. We weren't naive enough to think that Elliott could navigate childhood without challenges. But we were unprepared for how a second child changes everything -- including your relationship with your firstborn.

With each new stage of a child's life, I think there is a mourning period for the preceding stage.

That has become even more evident to me after Isaac's arrival. Because Elliott and Isaac are eerily similar looking  (their baby pictures are practically identical), it is almost like I have Elliott back in baby form again. There is my crazy toddler who talks back and doesn't listen and won't eat...but here is this Elliott look-a-like who nurses like a champ and barely cries and is learning to smile. It's strange. I have no desire for Isaac to "hurry up" and hit those milestones that first-time parents are obsessed about. I don't need him to crawl, walk, eat real food. I don't know if I will have another baby and I feel a strong need to cherish each moment of this baby's life. And at the same time, I am definitely mourning Elliott's changes and his growing up.

All these things we're experiencing are normal and every parent goes through it. Here is your baby, your awesome little child, who becomes his/her own person. And as they learn what they want and, especially with our boy, can't always effectively communicate what that is...there is pain and hurt. And when I want to throw him out a window because I'm tethered to chair nursing and he has put all his Fisher Price toys in the toilet or spilled a cup of 7-up on the ground; or thrown a picture frame across the room and won't stop walking near the broken glass...I just realize that this too will pass.

And when it passes, I'll be sad again. Because we'll be on to a new stage, with new challenges, and my toddler Elliott will be gone and I'll have a little kid -- and maybe that little kid won't giggle when we play "ghosts" and hide under the covers, or I won't be able to take baths with him anymore, maybe he won't walk up and give me kisses without prompting.

I'm so happy I get to experience a baby again with a new lens, but soon I will be watching Isaac grow and learn and he won't be a newborn anymore.

Having children and being a parent is easily the most challenging and rewarding thing that has ever happened to me. I don't think there is any way to truly capture how this job takes you and changes who you are to the core. It's easy when they are tiny and new to just love them to pieces and kiss those cheeks and forget the job you have ahead of you -- the job to raise these tiny people into great adults, who ultimately will live happy and amazing lives...without you. And when you're a mom to a toddler and a newborn, that's hard to imagine. But that's the goal and if I keep reminding myself of that, then I can weather the storm better.

The storm, which this morning, included a kicking screaming tantrum because Elliott wasn't allowed to "pick" the flowers I bought myself the other day. But then picked them anyway the moment he knew both mom and dad were occupied. When you have to buy yourself flowers and then don't know whether to laugh or cry because the beautiful flowers are now strewn across the living room, petals everywhere, while the child says, "I picked them. I picked them!" Well, that's my life. And no matter what these boys bring to our lives -- amazing and aggravating -- I wouldn't change a single thing.

Elliott "picked" this toy for his baby brother and gave it to him at the hospital. Now he likes to give him the toy to play with...and 100% of the time, that involves throwing it on his head while he's sleeping.